Cracker Jacks


We honkies sure are out of touch, yo! The really excellent thing about "Race-O- Rama" (Monday at 9 p.m. EST on VH1) though, is that it'll demonstrate to you just how entertaining a show where black people talk about race is, which will lead you to momentarily imagine the horrors of a show where white people talk about race -- or anything else, for that matter. That's right, honkies! Listen to black folks riff on the subject of race -- or almost anything else, for that matter -- and you will find yourself marveling at just how bland and utterly tedious most white people are.

In fact, for an exercise in self-loathing, honkies, try this. Watch "Race-O-Rama," then switch to "Crossfire." We honkies sure are boring! Maybe that's why we're about to yield all of our minibars and down comforters and pricey watches and fish restaurants to the huddled masses of revolting, Molotov-cocktail-hurling revolutionaries of the world. Maybe our inability to tell stories and jokes that are entertaining and funny is the reason why the residents of the "House of Sand and Fog" gave up real estate for big practical jokes involving nuclear reactors.

The party's over
It's true. Some day soon, our leisurely high-capitalist kingdom will collapse and we'll be cast out into the cold, dark night without our cashmere sweaters, left to murder each other over half a box of stale strawberry Pop Tarts.

Yup. That's about the size and the shape of it. Speaking of awful white people talking awfully, Wolcott (as per usual) is on the ball, riffing on Digby (who follows):
Did anyone happen to catch the happy little hen party on Chris Matthews week-end show tonight in which Chris, Clarence Page, Kathleen Parker, Andrew Sullivan and Gloria Borger ripped Hillary for being a "castrating Bitch" and "Nurse Ratchet" replete with a full-on harpy imitation by Borger? I've never seen anything like this (at least where Ann Coulter and Nancy Grace weren't involved.) Then they sharpened their claws on Martha Stewart, Gloria saying that people will find her interesting because the less they see of her the more they like her. Everyone cackled wickedly as she went on to mock her potential good works on behalf of women prisoners. Andy snorted delicately.

Then they all pitched in on the Stalinists at PCU who are allegedly persecuting Larry Summers. Clarence tried valiently to make an argument but both Andy and Gloria were eyerolling and smirking to such a degree that Chris couldn't really keep a straight face. He told Gloria he liked the fact that she turned up her nose at this "PC nonsense." She lowered her eyes flirtatiosly, batted her lashes and veritably glowed with his praise.

I'm not exaggerating about the castrating bitch line either. Borger said that as the jews gave Joe Lieberman a lot of trouble so will the women give Hillary problems. (I don't remember the jewish community's Lieberman rebellion, do you?) And Chris agreed that the men sitting in their chairs watching television are all thinking "I'll never vote for this woman." He does admit, though, that women become less threatening when they get old.

What in the hell is wrong with these people? Are they regularly appearing on television drunk now? It was like watching a sketch on The Daily Show. Can we get Soros or somebody to pitch in and just pay them to stop? I'll donate.
Indeed. Also great - Olbermann.

Listening to most of the pundits these days is a pretty surreal exercise. They're penguins on a continually-calving iceberg, floating out into a South Atlantic full of killer whales, and they can't stop squaking about the last pieces of dried herring, and whose feathers look best. Meanwhile, the sea gets warmer and the orcas hungrier.

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